Shattering the Veil of Delusion and Falling Down the Hole of Despair

By Merle Conyer
Twice I have experienced shattering ecological awakenings, when a fog that I never knew had enveloped me lifted. Both times it was as unexpected in its revelation as it was surprising in its impact. This article is a personal story which shares how these moments shaped new understandings and calls to action.

The first instance was almost twenty years ago, in a Queensland seaside town 1000km from home. I randomly opened a book overflowing with recipes and holistic wellbeing guidance. I was stopped in my tracks as I read about the impact of a carnivorous diet on the environment. Instantly I shifted towards a vegetarian diet, and soon after reduced consumption of manufactured goods and toxic products, increased repurposing and recycling, and started a worm farm. This felt like a big shift at that time as I had not previously given any attention to environmental matters or green politics. So it was not engagement with these that shattered this veil of delusion, but rather the horror of waking up to the complicity of my consumptive choices. 

The second instance occurred a couple of years ago about 4000km from home in the Great Western Desert of Western Australia. I had joined a two-week ‘Sufi Walkabout’ with Aboriginal and Sufi guides for  my first bush camping experience and was well and truly out of my comfort zone. Our host on Country* was Kado Muir, a respected Ngalia man, who suggested that each step we took activated the land and this perspective transformed our walk into a pilgrimage. 
* ‘Country’ has a broad meaning in Aboriginal culture, eg. see http://www.visitmungo.com.au/aboriginal-country

Great Western Desert, Western Australia (Photo: Merle Conyer)

The days were spent walking with Aboriginal rangers who generously shared their knowledge and ease with the land, its creatures and archaeology. As we arrived at each new sleeping place the children would run barefoot with the dogs over the red earth to explore the ridges and gullies. We were honoured to witness the transmission of culture from elders to children through stories, arts, land conservation, traditional hunting and foraging. The fragrance of burning sandalwood drew us to the fire at sunrise and sunset for chanting, stories, healing and peace practices reverencing many spiritual paths. When we left each place everything was taken away or buried including the fire pits and I was moved by the deep respect within this way of leave taking.

At the Breakaways

Goanna prepared for the fire

Art by Merle Conyer

The only interruption to the vast expanse was the head shafts of mines pillaging the land for metals. Two nuclear-free campaigners who happened to be in the area projected a slide show onto the side of a vehicle illustrating the impacts of uranium mining in the region. They described the staggering water use and its decimation of the fragile desert ecosystem. They spoke of radioactive racism and the suppression of Aboriginal people’s access to sacred lands which robbed them of freedom to practice their culture. I learned that the uranium which leaked from the reactors at the Fukushima Daiichi disaster in 2011 was sourced from this land.

All of this, together with knowledge shared about the extinction and near extinction of local creatures, shattered the veil of my separateness. I felt at a visceral level how all of this was happening under my watch and that my lifestyle was a contributor to this destruction.

Being in the desert wrenched open an understanding of the profound loss I was carrying, a loss I had not known before this, the loss of my separation from nature. I was inconsolable, keeping to my own company as I sat on the earth, walked mindfully, and considered the harm I had knowingly and unknowingly caused. I dipped into the book ‘Spiritual Ecology’ for insights and rested in the solace of sacred practices. Then I sat before the Breakaway cliffs and in the shadow of their looming presence wrote a ‘Truth and Reconciliation’ testimony to nature, drawing on my experience of a prior time when I had grasped for ways to come to terms with the apartheid lineage of my growing up years in South Africa.

Later I contemplated how the dynamics underpinning colonisation, patriarchy, racism and capitalism had alienated us from nature to all our detriment. These systems of power have the same characteristics at their core – social engineering inculcating stereotypes to keep people apart and discriminatory rights to benefit the privileged few. Setting up polarised groups to view the other as ‘the enemy’ reinforces separation, weakens social bonds and stifles initiative to organise for mutual support. Instead docility, conformity and blindness to everyday atrocities are fostered. These dynamics too had occurred between me and nature.

Upon returning home I committed to learning more about environmental concerns and my own unsustainable footprint. This catapulted me into a depression where I feel the gap between my current urban lifestyle and what it takes to live sustainably on the earth. I carry deep concern and a heavy burden of responsibility for what we are passing on to the next generations.

Whilst this process has been confronting and challenging, I am grateful that I am no longer oblivious to what is occurring.  I am aware that my personal decisions are not enough, and the immensity and complexity of the issues requires community and political engagement. Slowly I am connecting with sources of companionship, support and action, including through the Climate Wellbeing Network community. It is an ongoing journey and I will share more about this another time.

Desert plants

Acknowledgements: The Sufi Walkabout was the inspiration of Vivienne Robertson who is a leader of the Dances of Universal Peace and runs a Sufi Order International Centre on the South Coast of Western Australia. Kado Muir and the team of Leonora Rangers guided our journey on Country. Jamila Cranston-Buckley, a senior Murshida (teacher) in New Zealand nourished the sacred practices. Bilbo Taylor and Marcus Atkinson (who lead the Walkatjurra Walkabout) supported the logistics.

I acknowledge the traditional custodians of this beautiful land and pay my respects to the Elders past and present.

Author: Merle Conyer works as a psychotherapist, trainer and consultant, supporting people to respond to complex life events and trauma, to shape an enriched future and to thrive. She also strengthens organisations committed to human rights, social justice, wellbeing and sustainability. Her work is informed by broad experience in community, education, government and corporate contexts.
www.linkedin.com/in/merleconyer

References
Conservation Council of Western Australia.  http://ccwa.org.au/
Footprints for Peace. http://footprintsforpeace.footprintsforpeace.net/
Fukushima Commemoration 11 March 2015, Perth - No 2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25OF4885-Xk
Halpern, J. & Weinstein, H. M. (2004). Rehumanizing the Other: Empathy and Reconciliation. Human Rights Quarterly, 26(3), 561-583.
Martín-Baró, I. (1989). The Psychological Consequences of Political Terrorism. Paper presented at the Symposium on The Psychological Consequences of Political Terrorism.
Vaughan-Lee, L. (ed). (2013).  Spiritual Ecology: The Cry of the Earth. The Golden Sufi Centre, California. http://spiritualecology.org/
Walkatjurra Walkabout – Walking for Country. http://walkingforcountry.com/